You have my permission.

Even though you don't ever need permission.

(This post is the third in a series; find the original post here.)

Just called to get permission to not stress out from… me.

I have a harder time giving myself permission to sit on the couch on a Sunday, even if I am sick, than I do giving myself permission to go on vacation to Mexico. Why is this? Why does one thing feel charged with laziness, and the other feels like something I can proudly show on social media? Who made the rules for my life if not me? I should also mention that I am 46 and do not have children (other than my small, blind cat). There is a big difference between giving up on your responsibilities and taking time to do something you want to do, just for yourself. Most of the time, when I hear people say “I wish I could just <insert typically innocuous thing here>,” I think “Why can’t you?” Meanwhile, I have spent decades trying not to feel guilty about doing things that only I want to do, or spending money on things that only benefit me, or going off and doing something alone, etc. I literally go to therapy to deal with this part of me. That is how we operate, though; it is easier to see things clearly in others that we cannot see in ourselves. Or if we do see it in ourselves, the solution seems foggy or out of reach. So I thought, in case you need it today, I would give you permission to do those things that pop into your head, immediately followed by the louder reasons why you cannot do them. Since we are all different and have different needs in this department, I will provide some examples, beginning with some things I’ve done recently:

I painted my bedroom pink and green, and so can you.

I put sparkling rainbow window cling over my windows instead of curtains, and so can you.

At night (no matter who is around), when I’m getting ready for bed, I listen to “oldies playing in another room” on headphones, and so can you. (It is a whole genre and the one place where the YouTube comments are absolutely wonderful.)

When I go to the grocery store, I give myself 20 minutes in the thrift shop next door as a reward.

Now, what do you want to do? What would make you feel even 20% better right now? Not the big stuff, the stuff you can do but you don’t.

You have permission to turn up the air conditioning, put on Christmas music, and make tea.

You have permission to buy yourself a birthday cake, light candles, make a wish, and have it for dinner.

You have permission to spend all of Sunday watching the Harry Potter series start to finish, in order, under a blanket with the cat and popcorn.

You have permission to buy a coloring book and crayons, put on old Loony Tunes cartoons, and color while eating dry cereal out of the box with your hands.

You have permission to turn off your notifications, get into bed at 6 pm with any book and a bar of chocolate.

You have permission to get a kids craft kit at the craft store and cut, paste, and glitter glue for a whole evening (by yourself or with a friend, but you need to wear fun and cozy PJs while doing it).

You have permission to make a playlist of all the songs you liked the most in your teens and listen to it on headphones while you take yourself roller skating.

You have permission to do as many things as you need to that bring you comfort and joy when you’re feeling stuck, sad, and overwhelmed. It will pass, and you also have permission to ask for help.

It doesn’t work to do these things every day, but sometimes, doing the thing that might get us unstuck does start to un-stick things. So you have permission to think of the thing that has absolutely no purpose besides that it might bring you peace, joy, or at least a window of calm. Because on a bad day, in a bad time, in a hard moment, a stranger on the internet told you it’s okay.

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